It still amazes me that he didn’t think he could draw. My Papa Butler, the artist of the family, knew he had a talent for painting, but drawing was a different story. As my Grama shuffled through the things she thought I’d like to see before I moved across the country, it stopped me dead in my tracks when I saw it. Among the pocket sized picture book of black and white snapshots of the town they grew up in, yellowed newspaper clippings from the 50’s, and 3 photo telescope keychains that when held up displayed my Papa proudly taking a golf swing, was a gorgeous portrait of my Grama that my Papa had drawn with pencil.
“He didn’t think he was any good at drawing, so he didn’t do it very often,” she said as she flipped through more clippings of their lifetime together. As I looked at her, I couldn’t help but wonder if these memories brought her back to a different time. A time when he was still here. The talent was staring up at me from the table and got me thinking about how we treat ourselves when we create. Why must we be so sure? How does the self-doubt begin and eventually take over? It’s almost as if self-doubt comes along for the ride as soon as it hears the word: create.
I’ve been quiet on this space for quite some time. Only really making noise with big news to share or small updates. I’m here today to come clean about a few things. Since deciding to write this book, I’ve had good days and bad days. On the good days I feel excited and proud and happy to share. On the bad days, I just can’t seem to quiet the voices that play on repeat in my mind.
“You’re not a writer. Who are you kidding?
What makes you think your story is worthy of a book?
You’ll never pull this off!”
Mean. Mean. Mean. I know!
Once I’m able to step back and recognize what’s going on, I begin to realize that fear and doubt are fueled by the fire of creativity. In the past week or so I’ve been trying to access compassion to introduce the two. I can almost see it now. Compassion meet Fear. Fear meet Compassion. Now converse.
I know for a fact that it’s not just in the creative world that we experience this. Fear and self-doubt show up every single day for all of us. Let’s take a lesson from Papa B today. Do your best & create anyway. You never know who will see your creation and be inspired to act.